Emezereald the SUE
by Yami Bakura's Wife
Summary: Sue-mocking time, kiddies! More hot-headed than Jonouchi, has more faith in friends than Anzu, better duelist than Yugi, and Seto Kaiba's intelligence has MET IT'S MATCH... read to find out more! lol
1. Horrible Chapter 1

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Jeshi: Okay, this is what happens when I drink a LOT of rootbeer @_@

Bakura: O_O You have been warned…and she doesn't own yugioh still…(- - Look! I am partially spelling it right XD)

Jeshi: YEAH! O_o But I own the 'sue!!

Bakura: @_@ and THAT is what makes us Egyptians (plus the canon character's creator) turn in our graves/tombs/little boxes that stand up. 

Jeshi: o_o Even your creator?

Bakura: ::cough cough:: -_-; Uh… no. He just curls up in a corner and cries pitifully for days because of the outrageous amount of 'sue-authors.

Jeshi: @_@ Yeah. =D That's why I'm here. I make fun of them.

Bakura: @_@ Thank Ra… though you have the penname that a typical 'sue-author WOULD have.

Jeshi: _ Don't get stereotypical on me.

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Yugi decided to go to school one day. He went to school and saw the biggest bitch in the world. Her name was Anzu. Then he ran into the other stupid bitch - Shizuka. 

'_God I hate her, they are such bimbos…_' Yugi thought. (oh did I mention that _italics mean that they are thinking?_)

__

"Hey, yUgi, what are you doing?" Jonouchi came up to him.(oOOPS! I forgot I had the italics on!! ^_^ LOL!!!!!!!!!!!1)

" I am going to school, come on B4 were late!" "yeh i dont want the teacher after my homework again."

then they left and they went into the school and (and then i burneded downthe stupid ugily bichtes Anzu and Serenity!!!1god they are anoying~!!)

they went to class early.

the bell rang and everyone took their seats.

"okay clas swe have a new student, she is an exchange student from anartica an she likes warm weather" the teacher said adjusting her glasses. he opened the door and she came inside and yugi fell in love!!! (AWW HOW KAWAII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

she wa the most beautiful girl yUgi had ever saw. she had long blonde flowy hair that went down to her toes, above her ankles, and that had floated softly in the softly blowing wind that was blowing softly into the classroom. And her eyes seemed to change colour and gave a very mystic feeling like he was being watched he could not take his I's away from her because she was so beautful and he sore his heart stopped beating just to take in every image of her. she was wearing a black spagetti string tanktop that showed her clevage and she had a short leather skirt on with black high heels that were really big and she walked very gracefully to her seat that she chose beside yugi. She winked at him and sat down, her hair flowing softly in the softly blowing wind. Her eyes today were a deep sparkling violet that danced in the sunlight. 

"So" the teacher said, "what is your name and where did you come from?"

" my name is Emezeraeld Diamendrush and I come from antarctica. I like warm weather and i am very happy to be here today," she answered and flicked her hair. yugi started staring again.

"Oh, well that is nice, now let us begin with today's lesson." sayd the teacher and she began teaching again the math lesson.

"Hi my name is Emezeraeld," Emezeraeld said to Yugi and held her hand out to him. he gulped _oh god she is talking to me what do I say?_ "hi my name is yugi mootoo" he answerd and shook her hand.

"yeah, see I know you have a millenium puzzle and i wanted to let you know that i have one too it is the eigth millenium item and it is very powerful more powerful than the puzzle come after school to see it."

So then after school everyone went to see her.

"I don't like her, Yugi, she's so much prettier than us." Anzu said like the bitch she was. Mai nodded.

"Yeah, did you see how she was looking at me? She was acting like I was some kind of slut or something."

"taht's because you are," came Emezeraeld's voice behind them. They all turned and there she was. Mai glared, then stomped and left in her barbie heels.(AHAHAHA TAKE THAT BITCHHAHAHAHAALOL~~!!)

Emezeraeld PULLED (oops i had the caps lock on toooo!!!lolo9olol9ol9lol) out a jewel that sparkled in gold and held it out, it was on a chain that hung around her neck.

"See, my parents would beat me and my grandmother gave me this jewel on the chain and said it was very powerful and that i was supposed to find my brother before someone named marik took over the world and i don't know what to do or where to find him!!!!!!" she then started crying.

"Haha, the 'sue's a baby!!" Jonouchi laughed hysterically. Emezeraeld stopped crying and punched him in the stomach and sent him flying.

"dont talk to tme like thAT!!!!! i'll beat you up if you do that again!!!!!!!~!" she yelled really loudly.

__

oh she's strong thought joey. they all looked back at her and she continued.

"and i dont no where ill find my brother" she said. (a/n: @_@ and then the author could not take any more of this, so then she just started using evil 'sue talk for when the 'sue speaks, rather than destroy EVERYONE'S brains!!)

And then yami came out and said, "Emezeraeld! where have you been?' she gasped hugged him.

"oh brother, there you are brother yami!!!!!!~~!~~" and she cried happy. And then everyone said "wtf?!" because they had no idea what in the bloody hell was going on!! =D

"Yugi, this is my sister, Emezeraeld. We were separated a long time ago and I never saw her again. She was sent to another home where they beat her and she died, but this is her reincarnation of her. Oh Emezeraeld, I missed you so much!" Yami said again and hugged Emezeraeld, who did the same.

"What the hell!? This is stupid, and it makes no sense, and the author is tanked up on freakin' rootbeer and animal cookies, and yet she's allowed to use the damn keyboard, let alone know how to still use it?!" Otogi yelled. But then he stopped and admires Emezeraeld. She was so beautiful, and he fell in love with her.

And then Seto came by and he fell in love with Emezeraeld as well because he has to because she is a sue and everyone knows that ALL of the most wanted of bishonen fall in love with the damn 'sue!!!~oneity!

And Emezeraeld fell madly in love with him right away too because he was tall and tall.

And then Yugi got jealous because all the guys wanted her but she didn't want him but he did but she wanted Seto and Seto wanted her SO badly and we can't get into any more detail because this is rated PG-13 but if the author would be daring to she could change it to R and we could have a little sex scene going on within the first four freakin' chapters 'cause that's what 'sue authors do, right?! "PURE AND INNOCENT" SOULS, MY ASS.

And then before anyone else could do anything, a bunch of rare hunters came and kidnapped her and then they ran away with a note saying "if you want to see her again come bury money under a caramel tree filled with roses drenched in salad."

"EMEZERAELD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1" Yami yelled angrily. And everyone else decided to help him go look for her, but then they shot Tea and then Anzu came back and they ate her and then buried her guts in the sand.

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Jeshi: *sigh* Okies. Just so no one gets the wrong idea: 

1.) Yes, I know Serenity/ Shizuka do not go to the same school as them, along with Mai (as far as I know, Mai doesn't even go to school O_o wasn't she like...23 years old or something?)  
2.) NO.. I am NOT bashing Anzu or Shizuka XD I am bashing 'sue authors who like to bash them.  
3.) Yes, I know I switched from Japanese to English names, and that my 'sue's name is IMPOSSIBLE to pronounce (@_@ I keep forgetting how to spell it even..) not to mention all the other grammatical and spelling errors XD o_o oh god...so many misspelled words!! NOOO!!! T_T

Emezereald: NO, DONT LIKE TEA! SHES A BTICH AND DESERVES TO DIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KILL HER!!!!!!!!!

Bakura and Jeshi: O_O....AHHH!!

Bakura: JESHI, KILL IT!! o_o

Jeshi: Right away!! *pulls out shotgun and pulls trigger, only to find that nothing happens* o.o..uhoh..ACK!!

Emezereald: FINE THEN IM GOING TO UNLESAH MY SPESHEL HIDEN POWER THAT HAS BEEN LOCKED AWAY FOR YERAS INSIDE OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 *does a Kamehameha*

Bakura and Jeshi: o_o **ACK!!**

Bakura: SHOOT IT, JESHI!! **SHOOT IT!!!**  
Jeshi: T_T I'M TRYING, I'M TRYING!! It's not working!!

Bakura: You gave it Super Saiyan powers?!

Jeshi: T_T It wasn't me!! She obtained them on her own, the evil demon!

Bakura: AH!! RA, KILL ME NOW AGAIN, PLEASE!! T_T

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	2. Awful Chapter 2

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Oh dear god I am actually updating XD lol

What? You all thought I was never going to keep this going? HA! You thought wrong. =P Sorry, dudes, but… I've gotta keep going… it's a sue-mocking story, the possibilities are endless - as you will all see in later chapters ^_^

O_o Yeah… _ my immature side of my fangirlness seems to have been completely depleted by this cherry coke. That's why Bakura isn't my moose (muse) anymore. I am my own disclaimer. Oh, but just so you all know, I'm not changing my penname (Other Bakura fangirls can all now stomp their feet and scream at me again)… naw, I've built a reputation with it. Whether it's good or not is a different story, but… yeah. 

Anyways, enjoy more 'sue-mocking-ness!

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"Hey, guys!" cried Anzu, "the sue has been mysteriously kidnapped!"

"Then let's all go home and order pizza!" Jonouchi announced happily. Everyone else agreed and they all turned to leave.

"**Wait!!**" 

Then everyone stopped and looked to find Yami in a complete state of hysteria.

"We can't just leave her! She is not my sister but the sue-force that binds me to her is telling me that she really is related to me, and that I must save her in order to protect my family's bloodline… whether that makes sense or not, which it doesn't," Yami replied, curling up in a ball and rolling on the ground like an anxious child. The gang all looked at each other and nodded.

"Yeah, guys. If we don't do something about this sue, then she'll totally destroy the crying ancient pharaoh in front of us," said camomile Tea the "botch" (OOPS!!!!!`1111 HAHAHAH I MEAN BITCH!11~!! **Okay, I'll stop doing that now…**)

"But how do we find her?" asked Otogi. But before any of them could answer, the unwanted sue had suddenly appeared in a flash of blinding light… and everyone gapped in horror.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" Jonouchi yelled at her, though he stared mindlessly into her eyes, which seemed to have changed to a deep green.

"C im majikel and can fite relly well im lik a marshal arts speshalist and the best fiter," she answered sue-illy. And everyone continued to stare at her except for Anzu, who just raised her eyebrow at all the horrible spelling and grammatical errors. Seto had then suddenly cut in.

"If you need a place to stay, you can come with me," he said to Emezeraeld, "you'd be safer with me anyways."

And of course, Emezeraeld accepted, and everyone thought that Seto had gone mad, which he must have if he was inviting a sue over into his household…. And then she'd be near Mokuba as well!! (just a note… I'm very sorry… why? 'Cause Seto is going to commit SUE-icide pretty soon)

"Seto!!" Honda called after Seto and the sue as they walked away hurriedly, "remember!! Think before you **do**!!"

Yes, Honda received weird looks from not only the other characters but obviously the readers themselves. Well, he only received a weird look from Anzu, since she was the only one who wasn't goggling stupidly at the sue.

After the sue was finally out of sight though, everyone snapped back to reality.

"Okay, so… what's going on?" asked Yugi. Anzu gave them all a grave look.

"Guys," she answered, "we have to kill that sue!"

"But… but how?" Jonouchi asked.

"Well," answered Yami, now twiddling his fingers, "we could-"

"**No** fire," Anzu cut in sternly. Yami stomped his foot and muttered a "damn."

"What if we toss her into a river?" suggested Honda. Anzu shook her head in disagreement.

"No no. She'll either know how to swim really well and better than everyone else or she'll overpower you guys so much that you'll end up diving in after her," Anzu answered. It was then that Weevil Underwood had walked by, because the author has recently developed a Weevil fettish, though not the fangirl type, but a fettish nonetheless.

"Okay, so… What's going on?" asked a very disoriented Weevil. Jonouchi got a stupid grin on his face as he walked up and put his arm around Weevil.

"Hey, Weevil. How would you like a girlfriend?" he asked. Weevil raised his eyebrow. 

"Well… if a girl actually liked me, then sure, why not?" he answered.

Then everyone got stupid grins on their faces, and then their plotting began!!

* * * 

He did not know how it happened, or what was done… and the author had become TOO disturbed to even write it… at all…

All Seto knew was that he woke up, and she was there beside him. The sue… in his bed… beside him… and their clothes were missing…

Completely disturbed, he quickly got dressed and snuck out of the room before she happened to wake up. He kept going until he was standing outside of the front doors, where, completely horror-stricken, screamed.

"**I SLEPT WITH THE SUE!!!**"

* * *

Far off on the other side of the city, where Yugi and everyone else was evilly plotting still, they could hear the familiar voice screaming.

"Hey… doesn't that sound like Kaiba?" Yugi asked.

"Wow… if that's **him** screaming like that, then you **know** something's wrong!" Honda added.

"Come on, let's go see if he is okay. You too, Weevil," Yugi replied, and they all went to find the horrified Seto Kaiba.

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And that's the end of the second chapter… O_O And yes, I **am** sorry for Seto commiting SUE-icide XD Seriously, I am.

O_o Now… to deal with my useless sue's name…

Who thinks I should change her name to Ketsunoana Kiretsu? It's Japanese… look it up ^^;; I dare someone to.

And I'll try to update as soon as possible ;)

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	3. Cry Because It Is Chapter 3

Third chapter!! O.o Don't think you'll all be happy with it but… -.-;; The story that follows will be awesome! And Anzu and Honda fans will LOVE me =D YAY!

Anyway… yeah, you guys can do the disclaiming yourselves XD

By the way, it looks like someone did their homework XD Yes, the suggested new sue name… I put the words "ass crack" into a Japanese translator and that's what it came out with

BUT… if you know sue-authors, you'll know that they'll name their sues practically ANYTHING that sounds "nice" but really… it's just stupid.

ON WITH THE STORY!

To make a long story short, the group eventually reached Seto, who only gave them the information that the sue was inside his house and was… there. And that was it.

"Uh, Kaiba… weren't you the one who had invited her over?" Yugi had asked. Seto glared.

"I didn't know she was a sue," he answered, not making any eye contact with him.

"Kaiba, as much as I hate you, I know you aren't **that** stupid," Jonouchi said.

"Well… she's in there… and uh… I want her out of there!" Seto yelled. Yugi could only guess what had happened, and that was a guess he was sure he did **not** want to make.

But there was no time to waste, he quickly turned to Weevil.

"Are you ready, Weevil? She's the most beautiful thing you'll ever see in your life!" Yugi said to Weevil. Weevil raised an eyebrow, a part of him not liking at all where this was going, but he nodded anyway.

"Yeah… sure," he answered.

But before anyone could do anything else (like always), Emezeraeld opened up the front door and stood there, looking anxiously at everyone. (Yes, the author is trying to rush the horrible story)

"Oh, good morning everyone!" she greeted in an evil yet sweet sing-song voice. Weevil, like all the other male canon, instantly fell in love with her sue-ish beauty.

"Emezeraeld, we found you a husband!" Shizuka said smiling. Emezeraeld looked at Weevil and her eyes went wide with terror. (Yeah, poor Weevil)

"…you're joking, right?" she asked dangerously. Tea and Shizuka shook their heads.

"Oh goodness no! See, Mr. Underwood here is a very good-hearted and lonely bachelor," Anzu continued on, "and he is completely mesmerized by your beauty, dear."

Emezeraeld shook her head violently.

"No no!" she cried, "I don't love him!" Shizuka gave her a thoughtful look.

"Oh, but he loves you! He's not a bad guy at all once you get to know him!" she laughed.

"Then **you** can date him!" Emezeraeld stomped her foot like a pampered princess. She then got so angry that a house down the street exploded.

"Anzu, you priss! You can't let her marry Weevil, she's supposed to marry **me**!" Yugi yelled suddenly, grabbing Emezeraeld by the arm.

"Nu-uh, Yugi. You can back right off. She's **mine**," Jonouchi growled at him.

"No, guys! She's… uh… her heart is a free spirit… thing?" Anzu weakly tried to convince them, but it was obviously not working at all. Before anyone knew it, all the male canon were arguing over who got the sue to be their horribly wedded wife.

"Jonouchi, please just settle down-" Shizuka started, trying to keep her brother from making himself look like a moron. But he just turned to her and glared instead.

"How about you just shut the hell up, you stupid girl," he snapped at her. Shizuka stood completely shocked while Anzu returned Jonouchi's glare to him.

"Jonouchi! Don't talk to her like that!" she yelled.

"Anzu, child. Why don't you just go off and play with your little dollies? Obviously those are the only friends you'll ever have anyway," Emezeraeld laughed, the male canon all joining in with the laughter.

Before Anzu could do or say anything in defence, Shizuka had jumped out at the unsuspecting sue, fists flailing madly in every direction.

"Shizuka! What are you doing?!" Anzu yelled and watched as Shizuka… well, basically kicked the crap out of that sue XD And all the while the males stood by calling Shizuka a "skank" and "stupid witch" etcetera. Though Anzu could barely hear them though because Shizuka's own voice was drowning theirs out with her yelling, 'My brother would **NEVER** say anything like that to me! You monster, you should be **dead**!"

Anzu could do nothing but laugh at this. She had to admit, she was actually enjoying seeing Shizuka's violent side.

It was no sooner that Anzu had started laughing that Shizuka was suddenly sent flying backwards by a mighty blow from the sue. Emezeraeld got up and then turned herself on Shizuka. Did we happen to forget that Emezeraeld can fight better than any street fighter (including Jonouchi), is a master of every stage of martial arts, karate, kendo, you name it.

Oh, and she had a mystical sword that she had magically pulled out of a jewel in her hand. 'Cause ya know, she's the angsty sister of the ancient pharaoh, right? Combine all this with the sue's super speed and accuracy and plus she's got mystical healing powers for herself (not one scratch can get through to her XD) and other hidden powers that only **she** can unlock if she only looks deep within her only pure soul? Yeah, no one knew that, 'cause she's a sue, but she's got them, and she's using them now. Prepare for the tragic end.

The only thing Anzu remembered was a lot of light, a lot of agonizing screaming, the fast forwarded image of Shizuka's appalled and defeated face… and a sprinkler of blood. It was too much for her, she ended up fainting. She could hear Yugi's soft and faint voice call for help… or scream, whichever you prefer…

sniffles TT Shizuka is dead!! ;D But she did what none of the other canon characters did, she stood up to a sue and died with honour! That's a brave girl, folks! VERY brave!

And unfortunately, I'm ending THIS story here. This story was never meant to be long anyway. BUT, I have a story that follows this one, much better, dun worry =) And it'll be longer, MUCH longer. So keep watching for it, it'll come out soon!

Again, I'm very sorry for any pain this may have caused, but if you read the next story coming, you'll be happy, dun worry =D I don't lie! Why? 'Cause I don't like liars.

See ya all for now


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